Growing up, being “big boned” was something I heard often and I knew that was a polite way for people saying I was over weight. Or, “She’s got a great personality”, “You’d be so much prettier if you just lost a little weight”. Dude, I get it, but here is the thing… back then when I heard people say that, it was like a knife to the heart and I have to say I got pretty good about brushing off the comments, laughing or I would making a “fat joke” before they could.
I was not your typical “fat girl”, meaning I played sports, I was on the Dance Team and have always been an athletic kid just without the “athletic build”. My Grandma use to say, just because the box says fat free doesn’t mean you can eat the whole thing.. Ya Whoops, my bad. Now, my grandma (you’ll hear about her a lot. She and my Grandpa raised me) was a great cook and she would thrown down in the kitchen like no other and wow her homemade cherry pies were amazing, but when I start to enjoy a piece of pie and then a second piece, I’d hear….”Do you really think you need another piece” or “How about you wait a little bit and see if you’re still hungry”. I’m not sure people understand that although you think you’re helping, it actually wasn’t.. I mean don’t they think I know I shouldn’t have two pieces of pie? Food was my addiction, my comfort, my happy place. But shouldn’t that be my decision to make?
Now, time has passed and I don’t hear those comments nearly as often or at all anymore. So.. back to sports, I was a golfer (still golf to this day and love it). I played basketball & volleyball.. (and no I didn’t sit the bench, I was a starter). To say the least, I was active, just simply loved food and typically not the kind that was good for you. I was raised on meat and potatoes that apparently really did stick to my bones LOL
Overweight and in your 20’s
I didn’t start paying attention to what I ate until I was in my early twenties (pretty much when all my friends were starting to get married). During my teens years I’d hear, “No one will want to marry someone who is over-weight”. I decided to start working out I started and trying to eat better (well most of the time). However, the one questions I needed to ask myself was “Am I working out for myself, or everyone else? It’s not like I didn’t want to eat healthy, I mean I knew what I should eat, I just seem to gravitate to the brownies and all of the unhealthy stuff. When a new diet fad would come out, I was all over it, for a week. I would do so great and then when I’d weight myself, nothing…. that’s ultimately when I’d fail. Yes, I know I didn’t put the weight on over night but darn it, I needed it to come off over night. I need some instant gratification and I also needed to not feel like my hunger pains were going to eat me alive. Truth be told, I can honestly say that I’ve tried just about everything, I’ve wrapped, counted calories, taken pills that you have to eat 30 mins before breakfast on an empty stomach with 8 oz of what (or some crazy direction like that). I’ve read books, I joined a gym (which wasn’t really my favorite thing) but I did it, because my sister did it with me and she knew how uncomfortable I was in places like that. It felt like when I walked in the gym everyone would just stare at me (which probably was all in my head). I remember one girl walking past me and to her friend she whispered “clearly she doesn’t go to the gym enough and maybe she might want to lay off the donuts”… Listen, I don’t judge the girls that workout in full make-up., or the ones that literally just walk around, socialize and never break a sweat.
Be You. Be Strong. Be Unique
If I could have told the younger me not to worry about what others think and everyone has their own vices to deal with, I’m sure things would have been a little easier. Why is it when someone is mad at you the first thing they go to are the fat jokes, I mean try getting some new material Captain Obvious.
I’ve started blogging about the different struggles I endured throughout my life and I hope that even if I reach one person, who’s possibly going through something similar that they know, just push through. The name calling will not break you, it will only make you stronger. I wish I would have talked to friends about what I was going through but I opted to keep it all to myself (that’s the best idea). I just turned 39, I’m married to a man
who loves me for me and we have two amazing children.
Just about everyone struggles with something, what are you battling?